So my Xbox dashboard being helpful tells me ” Hey Kenneth, you got that Kinect thing right? Not really playing it that much? waiting for those games you saw at TGS? Well how bout this buddy, I am going to let you try out Sonic Free Riders for FREE!” I was all like ” Heck yeah dashboard, you read my mind.” Little did I know the dashboard sucks at reading minds.
Now someone out there is saying “Hey you can not post a review of a game just after playing a demo! you jerk!” And I am going to say “Yeah maybe, but If I told you to eat a turd pizza, and you only try one bite, and refuse to go on because you are pretty sure the rest taste like crap, then whats the difference?”
So with that said I download the Sonic Free Riders demo, and starting out just to navigate the menu was a freaking nightmare….Ray Charles could piss in the dark more effectively. After the stumble fest menu ,the game measures your playing stance in this half tutorial half calibration screen that shows you how to place your feet ( like your on a skateboard) and then asks you to guide Sonic in between the cones….and it…does not work. I could get Sonic to glide between every other cone all half ass like, then the game decided to move on to racing ,figuring that the reason why I was sucking was because I obviously had like one leg or something….sadly mistaken game…sadly mistaken.
I raced for about 30 seconds in total, I could not control the character, I moved to the left my character stood still, I moved to the right, my character hit a wall , I stood still, Sonic veered to the left. Then I fought for 15 seconds trying to get out of the game until I PICKED UP THE CONTROLLER! and turned it off. How could Sega push a Sonic game so broken out the door….oh wait, I guess this game is fine then.
This game gets five turd pizzas out of five turd pizzas….which is a perfect reason to not even pick up dog crap with the case.